Why
is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are
not the person involved.
The
difference between a school and a cactus plant is that the cactus has the pricks
on the outside.
Computers
will not be perfected until they can compute how much more than the estimate the
job will cost.
God
is real, unless declared integer.
Time
is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
It
is better never to have been born. But who among us has such luck? One in a
million, perhaps.
I'm
going to live forever, or die trying!
I
wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob
called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.
I
doubt, therefore I might be.
We
have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for
masturbation.
Jesus
died for your sins. Make it worth his time.
Science
is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a
pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily
science.
- Jules Henri Poincare
An
unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Gravity
is a myth, the Earth sucks.
You
can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your
friend's nose.
I'd
like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.
If
rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
After
all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
You
can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the
time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
Fighting
for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Obviously
the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
I
think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Those
of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
Real
Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because OCT 31 == DEC 25!
Everything
should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
I
think you should know I worry a lot. Like the Nobel sperm bank. Something
bothers me about the world's greatest geniuses sitting around reading
pornography and jerking off.
Today's
robots are very primitive, capable of understanding only a few simple
instructions such as 'go left', 'go right', and 'build car'.
MS-DOS
isn't dead, it just smells that way.
Writing
is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close
friends, and then for money.
An
erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the
harder it gets.
God
gave men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to fill one at a time.
Too
much month at the end of the money.
Smile.
It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
When
a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.